VL, Contributor to Moving, for You: A Tribute to Empathy
A Healing From Within
What words can describe the sheer agony of having your best friend of 17 years and husband of 8 years walk out on you, your four-year-old son, your two-year-old daughter, and your 11-year-old dog to run after a woman with no soul?
There are no words.
It literally feels like the ground and everything underneath you has been pulled out, making you lose your footing and crumble to the ground. I knew my husband and I were having problems in our marriage, but I never saw this coming. Two weeks earlier, we were planning vacations to Disney and Christmas trips.
Marriages are hard, but I never thought he would go the route he did to get out of ours. Every action he took leading up to the moments of me finding out about his relationship with this other woman showed a lack of respect and dignity. Every action he took thereafter further solidified the man that he was no more.
For two weeks, I sat in grief and despair, begging him to come home. I hid everything from everyone, but worked on controlling my thoughts and what I was thinking. This was the hardest most terrifying time of my life. All of my fears of the unknown and the future swallowed me up. They had their way with me. I reached out to a few trusted friends and family, and they gave me the support I needed to control the thoughts that were eating at me.
By the third week, I realized I didn’t want that person back, but I was still holding on. Praying he would wake up and come home. By then my support system grew, and my thoughts were causing me to feel better. To know that I wasn’t alone was a relief.
By the fourth week, the answers I needed to move forward were given to me in an unexpected way. Getting the call from my best friend that my husband had been seen around town with this woman. He was living a double life. No responsibilities, no cares in the world. He left behind his family to do whatever it is he did with her and her children. His own children became only a convenience to him, when it suited his schedule. My anger turned into disappointment. I was consumed by my efforts to reach for better feeling thoughts.
By the fourth week, he did something I never thought possible. He withdrew all the money from our bank account and stopped all of his direct deposits checks from coming in. I had to ask him for money like a child. The account went into a negative balance. Something I had never allowed to happen before. But this time, I had no choice. The battle between good and poisonous thoughts continued. Right when I was beginning to feel a sense of relief, he would keep me on my toes and unknowingly strengthen the connection to myself. Meditation now became a routine I couldn’t live without.
By the fifth week, he wanted the kids to meet this woman. That was the week all of the work I have been doing on myself as a Certified Law of Attraction Coach fell into place. I became empowered with the decision to file for a divorce. I would no longer take his threats, I would no longer take the mental abuse, I would stand up for myself and for my children. I never wanted to file divorce papers with the fear that I would actually end up divorced. But with that decision gave me a sense of peace and relief knowing that I didn’t have to be bullied by this man. That I wasn’t going to just sit back and lose everything because of his actions. I had completely accepted and surrendered into my situation. Through meditation and choosing thoughts that made me feel even the slightest bit good, even if it wasn’t about my situation but just something as simple as having lunch with my friends and kids. Knowing that I couldn’t control his actions but only how I chose to react to it with the thoughts I was choosing to think, choosing surrender and acceptance instead of resistance. Staying out of his drama and putting my focus on how I wanted to feel and then allowing myself to just be that feeling.
As a Law of Attraction Coach, I teach people how to create a life they want by using their thoughts and feelings. Going through what my husband has put me and my family through has anchored down my beliefs and my faith in the god within me.
The thing I feared the most, which was to file for a divorce, was the one thing that made me feel the most liberated. The universe has graciously blessed me with this situation, to find my own power, to respect myself in a way I never thought possible and to help others in my situation find their own light in their time of darkness. The strength that has birthed out of me in this situation is astounding. The happiness I feel is radiating throughout me and around me and now noticeable by everyone I meet. Although my divorce is still pending and who knows what my husband will pull, I am better equipped to handle whatever will come my way because I have the power to choose how I want it to be. I am re-writing the script to my story every time my light goes dim. I don’t know what the future holds but I do know that happiness is part of it no matter what. Because I choose happiness not fear. Yes, I have a great support system to help me get to my path of happiness but at the end of the day, I am left with my own thoughts. The healing that took place came from within me.
Calligraphy by Amorosa5